What you speak over your spouse matters. It’s what gets you through the valleys, struggles, and plateaus of your marriage relationship.

Words Have Power

You may be familiar with the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It was often the advice given to console those who were bullied through taunting, brought to the edge, or past the edge, of anger.

Hip Hop Harry probably had it right though, “Words have power! Words have power!” They really do.

Throughout history, words have been used to garner excitement, encourage those who are hurting, inspire, and even rally hate.

If you are married, chances are words were spoken at a ceremony in the form of vows. Words probably even led up to you connecting with your spouse for that first date, the second, and even the proposal if we go far enough back in time. Words got you into your marriage. Words will either make or break your marriage going forward.

This episode will take the time to explore how your words have an impact on your spouse, how to assess the words you are speaking over your spouse, and considerations to make a change going forward.

Words to Speak Over Your Spouse Regularly

Since we have established that your words have power. They influence, encourage, build up, or tear down. If you’re already building up your spouse with your words, great. Keep doing that.

If what you speak over your spouse makes her upset, sad, or less confident, then you first need to do a serious gut check. Are you doing this out of your own insecurity, past hurts, or a need to control your spouse? If it is any of those, you need to fix that within yourself right now and commit to never take it out on your spouse again.

Your spouse is meant to be your equal, your partner, and never your servant nor your subject. Check out the Duluth Model of Power and Control for a reference.

And, in the meantime, below is a list of some phrases you can put into your vocabulary to speak over your spouse regularly. Be genuine. Use them at the right time, and be prepared to give specifics.

You are beautiful.

You make me want to be a better man.

What can I do to make your day easier today?

I love spending time with you.

I value your insight. (Note: You have to actually demonstrate this if you say it.)

I admire your inner strength.

You’re so giving.

I married up!

I’m so blessed to get to come home to you every day.

What are some words of affirmation you speak over your spouse? Comment below.

Resources and Links on Dating Your Spouse

Recommended Reading

Fight Fair: Winning at Conflict Without Losing at Love by Tim and Joy Downs

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

102 Words of Affirmation Every Wife Wants to Hear by Matt Jacobson from Faithfulman.com

How We Can Speak Words of Life into Our Spouse by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Listen to These Past Episodes

BtR 210 – Overcoming Destructive Anger in Your Marriage – Natalie and Mike Hixson

BtR 171 – How to Keep Your Marriage Alive with This Missing Ingredient

BtR 015 – The Magic Ratio for Happy Healthy Relationships

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Music Attribution

“Oceans Apart” is our theme song composed and performed by Scott Ian Holmes.

Caution! What You Speak Over Your Spouse Matters – BtR 235
Beyond the Rut