This is Jerry Short uh 16. And we're talking specifically about rounding with employees and to help leaders get out of their rut. Hey, what's going on red, our nation? This is Jerry from beyond the rut and you are now tuning in on another segment of Jerry's shorts. These are the shorter segments I offer later in the week to get you over into Monday. Uh So a short tip, practical tip one that you can apply to somewhere in your life. 

Now, I'm focused right now on stake your leadership tent. I started that a couple of episodes ago of Jerry Shorts. Uh And I share how can managers engage their teams in a way that builds trust. He helps leaders or helps. Uh Let me, let me start over, helps employees feel cared for and see the opportunities for growth they have ahead of them. So leadership 10 looks at four characteristics or stakes in the ground that a leader can take a manager or above who has direct reports. Uh So trust building, empowering, navigating for success and thriving together. Uh The last segment I talked about how leaders should have a leadership credo and uh by having one, you are able to um cast a vision for your team, share with them what you believe in and uh also share with candidates for your team, what they can expect from you as a leader. So it's great foundation to build trust and so on. 

Now, in this particular segment, what I want to share with you about is another trust building technique uh that is around emotional intelligence. This is down and dirty very quick. Uh two pieces of emotional intelligence, I want to share with you because emotional intelligence is the ability to manage yourself and then ultimately also manage the emotions of others because you know, doctor uh proved in 2012 through his meta research. And he even got a Nobel Prize in Economics for this was that we as humans react to things emotionally first before we ever get to rationalize things. So if that's the case and there's a lot of data to prove it, the entire marketing industry is based around this notion, they know that they could tap into your emotions and then from there, get you to act politics. 

Does the same thing. If you really get past the rhetoric, you can start looking at the issues and find out the issues might have a lot of common ground between parties. But because the rhetoric is driven by emotion type of language, you get mad at the other side and say, well, then I'm gonna vote for these guys. So, Doctor Kahneman isn't off. Uh We do react emotionally first, then we tend to rationalize if we're lucky to get there. So, what does that have to do with you as a leader? 

Well, the first thing I want to talk about is triggers. There are things that people say and do that, just chap your hide, they're your pet peeves, whatever you wanna call it. But for whatever reason, you just lose your stuff, um that you thought I was gonna cuss, but I didn't want to hit the uh the, the, the sensor button on this one. So what are those triggers and take some time to really think about that? What are the triggers that you face that when you hear it or see it? You just have a hard time to stifle the anger and what you find yourself doing is just lashing out. 

Some of the ones I have personally are uh number one when I ask a question and I know the answer that I'm given is a flat out lie that the person got nervous and rather than saying something like, you know, I don't know, let me go find out and come back to you or hey, let me look into this and follow up with you. They say, oh well, this is the policy and we've never done this before and we always do this and, and really what they're saying is, I don't know. And you kind of scare me and I'm just gonna give you an answer until you go away. That's a pet peeve of mine. Because at that point, I already know you're lying because you've probably given me some information, I've already proven to be wrong. And then when you double down on it, I'm even more mad. 

Uh, because now you've taken integrity, thrown out the window, you've also insulted me as a person thinking you could just dupe me. And um and it just goes downhill from there. So that's one pet peeve. I have. The other one is somebody repeatedly telling themselves I can't, I can't, I can't and come up with excuses, excuses do kind of be uh become a pet peeve of mine. And the other one is, uh, you know, tell me to shut up whether it's in my own home, my own office. Like you just keep cutting me off after you've asked me a question. And while I'm giving you the answer, you keep cutting me off because you want to be right. 

Maybe you don't want to hear the answer. I'm providing whatever it is. But I don't like cutting other people's voices off and, you know, in return, I don't like my own cut-off. It's, it's kind of a sign of respect there. Now there are polite ways to, to stop somebody, but that takes a little bit of skill, takes a lot of tact and a lot of people don't do that. So those are some of mine and when it happens, I need to take a deep breath and, and kind of check out what's going on within myself. So that's the first thing. What are your triggers? How are you reacting when you hear these or see these things happening? Uh And then, you know, because when you lash out, the guard goes up for the other person, now you're not getting that dialogue back and forth, you're not collaborating anymore. Uh They're just on the defensive and you're on the offensive and it's not a win-win at all for anybody in that situation. So triggers what are they? Uh The other thing is halt. So when you find yourself getting angry, um you know, hat stands for and I learned this really in marriage ministry. Uh it stands for hungry. So am I hungry? When's the last time I ate a meal or I had a snack? Uh Because that might be the reason why I'm kind of irritated right now to anything. Am I angry about something else? So I might be in a conversation right now that has me upset. 

Maybe somebody gave me some bad news. I might be angry about some history that the person delivering the message has no connection to. Or maybe I came from another meeting where I was upset and now I'm in a new meeting and it doesn't matter what's being said there, I'm just upset or maybe I don't respect the person in front of me and it doesn't matter what they say they're wrong. Even if they're telling me the thing that I told them, uh, so angry, uh, El is, um, lonely. Do I feel unheard? Do I? Even if I'm surrounded by people, do I feel as if I'm isolated from everybody else that could lead to being frustrated and the last one tired. So, once, you know, how did I get, you know, how did I do for my sleep the night before? Uh what activities have I been doing all day? Have I had a chance to take a break? 

Have lunch, those kinds of things. Um Because chances are you just need to take care of one of those needs first take a lunch break and get a meal. Uh, tell the person, I'm sorry if I seem irritated, I'm actually angry about something else that happened earlier. Um, or, you know, pausing and saying, hey, right now, I'm not feeling heard or recognized or acknowledged uh around this particular issue. And I think that's why I'm feeling upset. So halt is a great way to introspectively and quickly find out why do I feel angry? And it, it feels like it takes a while to do this. But really, we're talking about a matter of seconds. Uh The other person doesn't even notice that you took some time to think about this. So those are two things around emotional intelligence. Around self management that I think are great tools knowing what your triggers are and how you tend to react to them versus how you'd like to react to them. And then the second one is the acronym Halt uh hungry, angry, lonely, tired uh to see if there's some underlying root cause while you're feeling irritated or upset in the conversation you're in. So this has been another Jerry short of what I just talked about ties into stake your leadership tent around trust building. Uh Because as you do this day in and day out, the people around you are gonna trust the consistency and uh trust that you are going to provide a safe environment where people can speak their minds, share ideas and not get lambasted for it. Uh You can find the show notes for this one at beyond the rut dot com slash Js 016. share this with the people, you know, and share it on your social media, your email list, whatever it is, uh listen to it four more times on your drive to work or your drive home. All those are good things and uh till next time, go live life beyond the rut, take care.